3/19/23 Five Ways to Open Another’s Spirit

Scripture: Matthew 5:9, Psalm 34:14
Evangelist: Bro. Ian D. Nickerson, Sr.

  1. 1 Peter 3:8
  2. We are relational beings. That’s how God created us
  3. We were created to be in relationships and we are only at our best relationship with others
  4. We are at our best when we are in community
  5. Relationships are one of the ways God grows us: Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 27:17, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Jesus and His Disciples
  6. All relationships are susceptible to offense
  7. Offense is inevitable
  8. The Bait of Satan: Living free from the deadly trap of offense, by John Bevere says that offense is in the permissive will of God because it can: 1. Purge People 2. Strengthen the relationship through reconciliation
  9. ​Relationships tend to be stronger after an offense happens
  10. Since offense is inevitable and permitted by God, all enduring relationships require the opening of spirits
  11. While it is your responsibility to open your own spirit, we as Christians can help you open your spirit. Seek peace and pursue it.
  12. 1 Peter 3:11
  13. Some people can help open your spirit by saying things like “I’m sorry,” “I apologize,” “Please forgive me”
  14. ​I can’t open my spirit to you unless I forgive you. I need to make a decision to forgive you
  15. Process of Reconciliation: 1. The offended forgives the offender 2. The offended requires some form of apology from the offender 3. The apology will be rejected and refused if it appears to be insincere 4. The barrier will remain in the relationship and wounds will grow
  16. 1 John 1:9
  17. 2 Corinthians 7:11
  18. With no apology, there is no justice and people can carry on with a closed spirit and has a desire to get revenge
  19. We can do something about that by the way we approach them
  20. ​It makes apologizing hard
  21. Apologizing requires 1. humility and vulnerability 2. Many people were never raised with models of apology 3. How do you determine sincerity? ​4. Fighting over the sincerity of the apology
  22. Seek to open a person’s spirit based on who they are
  23. ​It’s possible to say I’m sorry but you’re speaking it in a way the other person doesn’t understand
  24. This morning:1. Explore the different ways people give and receive apologies 2. Ask you to identify the way you offer a sincere apology and what you listen for in an apology 3. Challenge you to listen for and to learn to speak their apology language
  25. I’m sorry. I apologize- expressing regret for hurting them
  26. ​In order to help them open their spirit, be specific and aware of how you hurt them
  27. I’m sorry-Justification is not an excuse. “But” invalidates anything else you just said
  28. ​I’m sorry you felt that way is not an apology. ​I’m sorry you felt that way is not an apology. They are listening for an expression of empathy
  29. For many people, saying “I’m sorry” is not enough to constitute a sincere apology. Sometimes they need to hear I was wrong
  30. Many adult, who are overly punished as children, associate being wrong with being bad and have difficulty admitting wrong
  31. ​It is human nature to pass the blame to (Genesis 3)
  32. This is critical for leaders to admit when they are wrong
  33. Need to know you take ownership of a hurtful deed without excuse of blame
  34. ​“I was wrong, pure and simple. There’s no excuse” helps people open their spirit
  35. What can I do to make this right? – Looking for restitution
  36. ​Things don’t just go away with “sorry.” You have to make it right
  37. Luke 19 Zacchaeus
  38. This person deeply needs to know that they are still loved in their love language
  39. An apology may need to be given in the same space as the offense. ​I’ll try not to do that again-Genuinely repenting
  40. ​I won’t do that again=This person senses sincerity in repentance. They want to know, will you change
  41. Some people can say “I’m sorry” but don’t feel like they did anything wrong and therefore don’t need to change
  42. Many relationships fall when the offender refuses to put the health of the relationship above their need to be right
  43. You are signaling that your being right is more important in the relationship
  44. ​In order to change, express the intention quickly. ​The longer you draw it out, the less sincere your apology comes across
  45. Develop and agree upon a plan, consider putting it into writing
  46. Seek assistance and proper resources. If you fail, try to do better
  47. lease forgive me- Indicates to the offended that you want to see the relationship restored. It shows an acknowledgment of wrong. Empowers the offended with the decision
  48. ​Face the fear of them saying no or explaining what else they need to say yes. ​It is a request (not a demand). Do not rush their response

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